I'm very much against making New Year's resolutions. The way I see, there's no need to wait until January 1 to make one, but then again, I'm a boring guy with no sense of adventure. Even that's besides the point, the bottom line is that most of us, myself included, rarely keep them. So, this year I decided to accept the fact I never keep my resolutions and embrace failure. Here you go:
1. Gain weight. This whole eating healthy and getting exercise thing is completely over-rated. I figure with a lot of hard work and strict accountability, I could be pushing 4 bills by Thanksgiving and make a good stretch run into 2008. Ben & Jerry's, here I come.
2. Start drinking, smoking and swearing. I know most of you look at my life and think, "you know, I've never seen Danny stumble around in a drunken stupor- that could be fun", or "he could really use black lungs" or"what Danny needs is a little more vulgarity." Well, let me say, "I hear you." Maybe I'll even step it up and get a tatoo that I'll regret for years to come.
3. Vote democrat. Tax & spend, that's my new motto.
4. Get fired from my job. The way I see it, if we all work, the folks at the unemployment office will be out of jobs. So, I'll take one for the team and keep them busy. That's just the kind of guy I am.
5. Watch more NASCAR. There's nothing better than sitting on your butt for 4 hours watching a bunch of rednecks turning left.
6. Become a Calvinist. Hey, it's predestined.
Well, there you have it, a few resolutions for 2007. I hope you take the time to celebrate my failure with me.
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3 comments:
I'm glad there's someone else who enjoys the mockery of NASCAR. Thank you, rey.
Judging by some friends I know from college, all of these might follow if #6 happens, with the exception of #5. Not even Calvinists are into the Nascar. [I've heard that the definite article is necessary.] Who says theology is just an armchair pursuit?
You know, Isaac, you're on to something, I didn't even think about it. If #6 happens, then #s 1-2 will definitely follow, #3 is a possibility, and so is #4, I suppose. I'm not sure if I'd be as strong as you are about the (dis)connection between Calvinists and the NASCAR, but maybe you're right. You'd know better than I would.
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