I Went to a Worship Service and a Wedding Broke Out

On September 16, I had the honor of being best man in the wedding of my best friend, Ryan, and his wife, Amy. In my never-ending effort to steal every creative idea Bill Simmons ever conceived, I decided to keep a running diary (actually, he didn't invent it, but he made it an art form). So, this is my trip from Boston to Wethersfield, CT and back. I hope you read and enjoy.

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Friday, September 15

10:30am: I pull through the toll leaving East Boston and ask the attendant how she was doing. She blew a nice cloud of smoke out of her mouth and cracked "hi" in a voice that would make Joan Rivers sound like a songbird. This is going to be a great trip.

10:43: I walk into Men's Wearhouse to get my tux. There was nothing more than a quick fitting check and a lecture from the salesman about how much better pizza is in Jersey. Why is it that people from Jersey are so proud of it? Anyway, I resisted making fun of Springsteen and was out of the store with tux in hand in 13 minutes.

The tuxedo is classic Ryan: tails that went down to the armpit of the knee, bowtie, suspenders, vest (with a touch of purple), all around classic.

11:23: Stop off at the church to see the world's best church administrator to discuss some details about a class I'm teaching. This has nothing to do the wedding, but it was part of my day, so get over it.

11:46: Quick stop at Quiznos for a Chicken Carbonara toasted sub with no mushrooms and a fountain Pepsi, one of my favorite meals. Let me explain the no mushrooms thing, because it shows you how my father scarred me for life. When I was a kid my dad was fond of saying that mushrooms are the 1st cousin to athletes foot. Now, I can't go near them, it makes me think of nasty feet and dirty locker room shower floors.

Oh yeah, went to Target real quick to buy some white undershirts, can't wear a dark shirt underneath a white one, right?

12:40: Got a call from my friend Sarah as I'm on the road, she just finished raising support for her glamorous life in missions. We talk for a bit, then it's just me and the road. At this point I'm getting worried about the speech I have to make. I don't know anyone at this wedding other than Ryan and Amy, so I have no idea how I will fit in with everyone, and the speech could totally bomb. Carumba.

2:15: I pull into the parking lot of First Church of Christ Wethersfield, a fairly large historic church. I changed in the car, which is always fun, especially when you stupidly stay in the driver's seat and have to maneuver around the steering wheel. The rehearsal doesn't start until 3, so I have some time to kill. I walked around the cemetary connected to the church property and try to think of something for my speech. I'm not sure a cemetary is the most inspiring place for such endeavors, but it worked a bit.

3:30: Rehearsal gets started a little late, and it ran like most rehearsals, so I won't go into details. The church sanctuary set-up was interesting. The main section in the middle (split into two sections) seated 125-150, and lining the walls of the room were penalty boxes, complete with hinged doors and everything. I considered cross-checking a bridesmaid to see if I'd get 2 minutes in the box. Anyway, here's the rundown of the wedding party:

Bridesmaids: Jessica (Ryan's sister), Sarah (Amy's friend), Heather (Amy's sister-in-law), and Matron of Honor Mary (Amy's sister).

Groomsmen: Stephen (Amy's brother), Matthew (Ryan's friend), David (Ryan's friend, he was a last second replacement, see below), me.

5:00: It's dinner time, and I am hungry. We go to some place that supposedly serves great seafood, which ended up being true. I got to talk to some of the wedding party and get to know them better, especially David and his wife, Samara (I think I'm spelling that right). We talked mostly about missions and other ministry related things.

7:25: Groomsman gift time, I got hooked up with the City of Champions: Best of Boston Sports dvd and a hymns cd (Fernando Ortega, quite good). You can see why Ryan is my best friend.

8:20ish: Instead of a bachelor party, we (Ryan, David and I) take a trip to the hospital. You see, 4 days before the wedding, one of the groomsman, Bill, was the victim of a freak accident. He was driving down the road and an object flew off a truck doing the other direction. That object (I believe it was a spider gear) went through Bill's windshield and hit him in the head. He has had some reconstructive surgery, but I think there's still more to come. He just got married 2 months ago, but his wife (Michelle) is staying strong. Her faith is inspiring. We prayed with the family for a bit and left. Not necessarily the ideal bachelor party, but I think it meant a lot to the family for Ryan to go and visit.

9:45: We finally arrive at the hotel. It was raining wicked hard and Ryan and I weren't really looking forward to running from the car to the hotel. So, we took a cue from our friendly neighborhood televangelist Joel Osteen and asked God to give us the best spot available. Sho 'nough we got ourselves a front row spot, forever proving that you can indeed have your best life now.

Remember, this is past my normal bedtime, so I'm tired. Ryan, Matthew and I are sharing a room; we head down to the bar with Jessica and hang out. We saw a guy wearing a funky flannel shirt tucked into his sweatpants that had a racing stripe down the side. Good times (by the way, I hate that Bill Simmons uses "good times" so much because it makes people think I'm copying him by using it when it's been a tried and true phrase for so long).

11:30: Finally, bedtime. Let me gives serious props to the Marriot for having comfortable beds and amazing pillows. I thought about stealing one, or two.

Saturday, September 16

4:30ish am: Some stupid bugs outside the window wake me up. It was so bad that I actually picked up the patterns of their noises. Is that weird? Anyway, I lay there for an hour and a half before I jump in the shower.

7:30: Ryan, Matthew and I head to Dunkin's Donuts. This was one of the most important times of the weekend. Let me explain: Ryan and I through most of seminary would go to Dunkin' Donuts (or Dunka Do, pronounced Dew) every Saturday morning for a couple hours. As we ate our donuts or bagels and drank our coffee we would discuss pretty much every topic under the sun (sports, politics, theology, etc). The most important thing we discussed was ministry, we solved pretty much all of the church's problems during those times. We often referred to ourselves as "The Idealists."

Those times have had a lasting impact on me. I am not an idealist by nature, in fact I've been accused of cynicism on more than one occasion, and I'm certainly prone to my times of depression. Idealism is not something that would describe me at various stages in my life. But those times with Ryan changed my attitude toward ministry and the power that we as children of God have through His grace. I can't point to any one meeting or thing that Ryan said, it was just the general attitude of optimism that came out of being with him that has changed my life. I went from a disposition of doubt to asking the question "why not?". That change is huge. So, while on this particular trip to Dunka Do we didn't get to talk in depth or for very long, it was at least symbolically important.

8:18: We arrive at the church to begin changing into our tuxes. Nothing too exciting here, except for the comedy of watching us try to put our own suspenders on and work the bow tie.

8:50: Ryan father gives me Ryan wedding band. It's my job to make sure these get to the altar.

8:56: Tux is on. Why did it take me so long? Because the wedding doesn't start until 10 and I don't want to be hot. Can you blame me?

9:00: Steve, Amy's brother, gives me her wedding band. The pressure is on.

9:14: After some quick pictures, it's boutonniere time. After a couple broken pins we finally got everybody set up. I think someone had to use a safety pin. I should have brought my duct tape.

9:29: Ryan and I head to the back room with the photographer, who takes some pictures of us lounging around. It's funny how many people know my aversion to my picture being taken, just about everybody who found out I was in a wedding asked me about it. If I'm in someone's wedding I don't fight it, it's just not that important. Even if the camera does steal my soul.

9:37: The photographer leaves and Ryan and I hang out along for a bit. We pray together for a while and share a touching Jonathan and David moment, only without the kissing. I honestly can't tell you how happy I am for Ryan and Amy and honored to have been in this wedding.

9:58: The pastor comes and gets us, the show is on. From here until the end of the wedding I don't have exact times (hey, I wasn't going to bring my cell phone up to the altar). I slip the rings onto my left pinky as we walk out the door.

10:15ish: The wedding gets started a little late. I won't go through the entire wedding, I'll just hit the high points. Everyone made it into position without any major problems, everyone except for the runner. It was Matthew and Steve's job to roll out the runner after the bridesmaids came down the aisle. However, the runner got caught in the rope or something so Steve pulls out his pocketknife and cuts the rope. Why does someone bring a knife to a wedding, let alone up to the altar? I have no idea, but it was serendipitous. Anyway, that issue is resolved and Amy begins to come out, escorted by her father. I have to be honest, I thought she was going to lose it before she ever got up to the altar. But she and Ryan did okay, not that there is anything wrong with bawling at your own wedding.

As the pastor pointed out during the ceremony, Ryan and Amy really took seriously that this was a worship service. I suppose to normal amount of hymns sung at a wedding (if any at all) would be 2-3. Ryan and Amy chose 5, and it was like an all-star cast of hymns. Here you go: To God Be The Glory, Great Is Thy Faithfulness, Crown Him with Many Crowns, How Great Thou Art (the only song that does double duty in my "That Better Be Played at my Funeral" and "That Better Be Played at my Wedding" lists) and Praise to the Lord, the Almighty. It was awesome, what great selection. Honestly, I think we were a Be Thou My Vision away from ushering in Christ's return.

As I stated earlier, my job was to ensure that the wedding rings got to the altar and ended up on the ring fingers of our couple. With only a minor delay to get some soap and warm water to get the rings of my pinky we had no issues. That didn't happen by the way, but it would have been funny if it did (unless Amy is reading this, then it would have been awful).

10:55: I walk out with Mary (Matron of Honor) and Ryan and Amy are officially married. Those two thoughts aren't logically connected by the way (us walking out and them being married), merely temporally. The ceremony was actually much quicker than I thought, only about 40 minutes, not bad considering we sang 5 hymns. The pastor didn't say too much, that helped keep the time down. It really was a worshipful time, moreso than most weddings I've attended. The organist was wicked good, apparently he's a world renouned organist. I haven't been able to keep up with my world class organists since the Pipe Organists Guild booted me out for allegedly playing a Casio keyboard. Bunch of snobs if you ask me.

11:15: The wedding party gathers to pose for some pictures. I really liked the photographers, they kept everything quick and painless. The would get us into position and click a few times and tell us to sit down. They were awesome (a husband and wife team, by the way).

12:10: We pull up to the Simsbury Inn where the reception was held. We posed for some more pictures at a gazebo and eat some little snack things. I was particularly fond of the bacon-wrapped scallops. I could eat those all day, and would have if they kept bringing them out.

1:15: Each member of the wedding party is announced at the reception and come out with their corresponding person. I was quite disappointed that Mary wouldn't strut out with me, especially considering the song was some funk diddy (a touch of Ryan). If you can't strut when you're all dolled up, when can you strut? Ryan and Amy have their first dance.

1:25: It's time for the best man speech, always a fun time if you aren't the one giving the speech. Like I said, I didn't know anyone at the wedding, so I was nervous. I didn't want to ruin it all in front of all these fancy family members and friends.

Coming up with something was difficult, partially because Ryan doesn't open himself up to embarassing stories. So, I opted for a poem. My goal was to write a full sonnet, a la Bill Shakespeare, but had to settle for a partial one (for those who don't know, a sonnet is a 14-line poem with 3 stanzas of 4 lines, known as a quatrain, which have an abab cdcd efef rhyming pattern and a final 2 lines, known as a couplet, that rhyme- raise your hand if you're surpised I knew that). It went fairly well. After a quick toast that got a laugh or two I sat my butt down and considered it an okay speech. Who remembers this stuff anyway?

Dinner was great, a fine job with the food. There were about 6 options for a main dish (actually, I think 4 weren't considered main dishes, but they are in my book, as one who eats cereal for dinner at least twice a week). I couldn't decide which one to have, so I didn't decide and just ate all of them. Good choice. The wedding party also got ice cream cake, my favorite.

3:53: Time to hit the dance floor. That's right, you read that correctly, Danny got out on the dance floor. The electric slide was a little rough (I ran over Sarah, one of the bridesmaids, about 6 times, poor girl, even the DJ made fun of me) but I rocked the Cotton Eyed Joe dance (which may have a name). I can also twist with the best of them.

4:10: Off the dance floor.

4:40: Back on the dance floor, I teach a girl to waltz (not that I'm good or anything).

4:50: Back off the dance floor.

5:00: The reception is now over and it's time to say goodbye. Ryan and I get to talk a few minutes and that's about it. Who am I to hold up a man's honeymoon?

5:30: After changing in the parking lot (I promise, I don't make a habit of this) and giving the tux to Ryan's father for the drop off, I'm on the road. I'm sweaty, I'm tired and I'm full. Sounds like a great wedding.

5:50: Okay, I got lost a little bit, in a neighborhood of Hartford that looked like the kind of neighborhood I didn't want to be lost in.

6:07: On the proper highway and ready to get back to Boston. Good times.

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A couple quick thoughts, one not so important and one more important:

I wrote this post over a 12-day period so it's really uneven. Reading back through it, I noticed my verb tenses change throughout, very poorly written. I'm just too lazy to go back through and fix it. This is why I always wrote papers for school in one long sitting (or two long sittings at most), my brain is better off being used for long periods of time only occasionally, rather than consistently day in and day out. I guess I'm a binge thinker.

Some might not realize it, but I'm a big sap. I get incredibly happy for friends when big things happen, like getting married or having a baby (just ask Bruce about my reaction when he told me Morgan was pregnant, the ensuing mockery has taught me to subdue myself). The way I see it, there is so much that is screwed up about life and this world. It seems that things are always going wrong somewhere. Maybe I'm "overly aware" of how things are not the way they're supposed to be (which is also the title of a great book by Cornelius Plantinga), but I'm not sure it's possible to be too aware of the effects of sin and evil on this world. That's why I get so excited about my friends getting married and having children. It shows us that some things that are good and were intended to be blessing from God are still present in our lives. That's a reason to celebrate.