some late thoughts on the Haggard situation

I realize that Ted Haggard has already become yesterday's news in many circles, but I've been meaning to write something about it for a couple days. Many have voiced their thoughts, and I am hesitant to just be one of the many out there, but here it goes anyway. I apologize if this is old for you already.

It's interesting to see the varying reactions Christians have had (I won't really comment on the reaction of non-Christians for now). Some are heartbroken, some are utterly shocked, and I've even read some comments from folks who seem to feel this whole situation justifies their dislike of the megachurch movement. While I am no fan of megachurches, I'm not sure that's the point we should take from all this.

My feelings were varied, I suppose like many other's. My heart breaks for his family, I can't imagine what this might do to his wife and kids. My heart breaks for his church, and I pray that they haven't put too much stock in their long-time pastor, who is but a man. And my heart breaks for him as well, it's not like he's enjoying this situation, I'm sure. No matter how much of this is his fault (and it is his fault, there's no doubt about that), my heart still breaks for someone who let himself go this far. I don't want to see someone fail, no matter what size church they pastor.

There was another feeling, however, that I still have, but I'm not sure how to describe it. I guess you could call it "gratefulness", clearly not that this happened to him, but that I could be that guy. As I watched this whole thing unfold, I kept thanking the Lord that He has kept me from this. Perhaps people just don't think that something like that could happen to them, but I know it could. It wouldn't be the same type of sin, that's sure, but it would be something. I deserve to have my sins made public for everyone and be ridiculed. I'm not special. But God has been gracious to me.

There are two factors I see behind Haggard's fall. One is being honest about sin. It amazes me how much of the Church overlooks sin in its embryonic form, not realizing how it will in fact grow (I'm also speaking of myself here). So many Christians have trouble calling sin sin, they can't seem to bring themselves to call it evil, which is what it is. We accept way too much of sin in our lives (I might need to get on a Romans 7 kick at some point, but I'll refrain). While I can't accept the Wesleyan "perfection" concept (although that's often misunderstood anyway), I love John Wesley's never ending pursuit of holiness. Some call it legalistic, I call them cowards for not being able to stand before others to account for their actions (and yes, I call myself a coward all the time).

The other factor is what I just hit on, accountability. I realize accountability is not a new concept in the church, and everyone seems to be aware of it and its benefits, but rarely do we practice true accountability. How many people know the dark places of your heart? How many people know the sins that constantly hound you, the thoughts that plague your mind thoughout the day? As for me, I am a master at wording my confessions in a way that "gets me off the hook" at times. But honestly, I have those in my life who don't allow it to happen very often. The truth is I have been kept from sin many times because of the fear of having to look my pastor in the eye and tell him what I did or thought. Again, some would call it legalism. But I don't think so. God has given us people to keep up in line, we ought to use them. The Holy Spirit often convicts us through the words of our brothers and sisters, we must seek that conviction.

So I've done a lot of soul searching in this time. Am I the one who stands before God and says, "I'm glad I'm not like Ted Haggard"? Or am I the one who stands before God and says, "I'm more like Ted Haggard than I want to admit. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting."?