thoughts on pride

I mentioned in my last post about the book Humility: True Greatness that pride has been an issue for me. I also said that I'd clarify later in the post if I was in the mood, but it was getting long enough so I didn't. So here I am, home sick from work (which won't keep me from going to the Sox-Yankees game tonight, don't worry), so I have the time to write.

The way I see it, there are two types of proud people: those who think they are better than everyone else, and those who don't want everyone to know how many problems they have. The first is heavily involved in comparison (I don't struggle with that, but he does, etc). The second is unwilling to admit to everyone else when they are struggling with something. Obviously there is a good chance the first person is also guilty of the second, but the reverse isn't necessarily true. Anyway, that's a quick rundown of that.

I'm someone who fits in the second category, the one who doesn't want to admit struggles. I don't think I'm guilty of thinking I'm better than others very often. I know myself way too well to think very highly of who I am. I may be many things, but self-delusional is not one of them.

But I certainly am guilty of not being open about my struggles. I enjoy being seen as someone who has it all together, I enjoy being asked for help rather than being asked if I need help. And by the way, I'm not just talking about struggles with sin, although that would be included. Pride is a sin and tries to hide sin, but it also tries to hide anything that might show weakness or a lack of self-sufficiency.

I think we can also word these two groups in another way: those who don't think they need prayer, and those who won't ask for prayer when needed. Again, I find myself in the second category. I can't count how many times I thought, "I really should ask for prayer for x" but didn't. I know I need to ask for prayer, but I hold myself back because I am proud (I started to write, "but my pride holds me back", but I want to be clear that I alone am responsible, not some abstract notion of pride, no matter how real it is). I have had moments of pain, conviction and desperation that went unnoticed by others because I couldn't bring myself to lay down my pride and take on humility.

I noted in the last post how pride is in reality attempting to steal glory from God. Here is a perfect example. I think in refusing to admit struggles and ask for prayer, I steal glory from God in two ways. One, I am keeping glory for myself in that I am not allowing others to see my desperation. Of course this "glory" is no real glory, it is illusional, but it is comfortable. And sometimes that's enough to keep up right where we are.

Two, I am not allowing God to work on my heart in a way that is desperately needed. I am robbing Him of the opportunity to glorify Himself by leading me through difficult times. His mercy is not seen as it should be, His power is not seen as it should be. These are the things the Lord delights in- seeing His children give themselves completely to Him and allowing Him to carry them. I have robbed God of His glory. I have robbed Him the glory of using my brothers and sisters in the Lord to minister to me and build me up- I'm not allowing them to use the gifts that God has given them in order to glorify Him.

The Lord delights in those who are broken before Him and before His people. Those who are broken in heart and contrite in spirit are not despised (Ps 51:17). The proud, on the other hand, are opposed by God (James 4:6). I've been very weary spiritually speaking for a while. That's to be expected, I suppose, when God opposes the proud. I'm pretty good at wrestling, but even on my best day I don't stand a chance against Him.

Suggested listening for this topic- Hands in the Air by The Waiting